Is biting your child O.K.?

Common sense tells me no, and yet while I was talking with some women last week both admitted to biting their children when their children bit others, even causing bruises. I was shocked and appalled. I had no idea what to say and was even more put off when they said that their children's day care teachers were the ones who recommended this measure. Biting your child is NOT o.k. and if you don't believe me, here are some articles that might change your mind despite any advice that you have received from other parents or "experts."

Police: Uncle Bit Boy to Teach a Lesson

Thursday, May 17, 2007
BRIDGEPORT, Conn. - A man was charged with assault for allegedly biting his 3-year-old nephew all over his body to teach the toddler that biting people is wrong, police said.
Hector Pulido, 40, was arrested Tuesday after day care workers discovered adult-size bite marks on the boy's chest, stomach, shoulder, back, thigh, leg and buttocks, police said.
The boy told officers his uncle had bitten him. When questioned, Pulido allegedly admitted that he did it "to teach him not to bite anyone," said Lt. James Viadero, a police spokesman.
Pulido was charged with assault and risk of injury to a minor. He was being held on $100,000 bond after a court appearance Wednesday. A message seeking comment was left with the public defender representing Pulido.
The toddler was evaluated at a hospital, and the state Department of Children and Families was notified.

Penelope Leach, child psychologist writing for babycenter. The italics are mine.

It's understandable to despair when your child sinks his teeth into your — or even worse, another person's — flesh, and the "bite him back" argument may seem like a logical way to stop his biting. Nevertheless, it's wrongheaded.

Teeth (and "claws") are natural weapons for all young mammals, so your child's first instinct is to use them when he feels threatened or needs something. He doesn't truly understand that biting (and pinching and pulling hair) is forbidden, let alone "wrong." So when he bites, even if he does it gently and playfully, immediately and clearly convey to him that biting isn't acceptable.

If his "kisses" turn into aggressive nibbles, for instance, remove him from your lap with a firm "no biting." He's still too young for lengthy explanations about why biting is bad; it's enough at this point to simply tell him that he must not bite under any circumstances.

Make sure, too, that you don't inadvertently reward your child for biting. Of course, teeth marks will get your attention, but don't pick him up — even if it's to reprimand him. If your child bites another child, focus your attention on the injured party rather than on the biter — who may take even negative attention as reinforcement for doing it again.

While you need to firmly tell your child that biting isn't okay, actually punishing him for the behavior isn't very effective at getting him to stop. In fact, punitive measures may put an angry or overstimulated child right over the top. And though parents are often counseled to bite their child back "to show him how it feels," this is as pointless as it is painful.

A child this age isn't capable of truly putting himself in another's shoes, so he can't yet see the connection between what he does and what's done to him. What's more, young children do most of their social learning by following their parents' example, so biting your child or otherwise inflicting pain on him sets an appallingly bad example. After all, how will he learn that biting is beyond the pale if you do it, too?

Biting must be stopped, of course, but you won't stop it by stooping to your child's level. Aggressive acts stop when adults stop them. So instantly remove your child's teeth from his victim's flesh, show concern for the child who's been hurt, acknowledge both parties' feelings, and, as your child's verbal skills grow, help him learn to negotiate with words rather than aggression: "We don't bite (or hit or grab). Can you use your words to tell me what you
need?"