...I feel a part of my heart is missing.
My first experience with this emotion began when I went to SVU and observed the relationship my roommate Jennifer had with her parents and siblings. She hung pictures of them all over her desk and would call them often and talk with them just as you would a best friend. Weird. The next time I felt this way was when I visited my friend Mara's family for Thanksgiving. The genuine affection they showed one another was so bizarre, I couldn't quite wrap my mind around it.When I dated and then married Andrew I could not understand why I felt so irritated when I witnessed how he and his family members interacted with each other. They genuinely seemed to LIKE each other! What was wrong with them?! Eventually I realized that there might be something wrong with me.
I can't say I have a good relationship with my family members. I don't have a bad relationship with them necessarily, but it is not one that I would ever call friendship. It never really bothered me, though. I thought that was the way all families were. But then I started to feel an emptiness inside that grew every time I closely observed other people's families. I realized that I was jealous. Obviously these families are not perfect, but somehow over time they had been able to develop friendships with each other that I had not.
What got me thinking about this? Obviously, the holiday season and so many people blogging about their families, especially my cousin. I want so much to be friends with my family members. Maybe it will come in time, however even if it never does, I will always be so grateful for my own little eternal family of Andrew and Ravenna. It is such a blessing to know that we can be together forever and that the wonderful friendships that I have cultivated in this life will endure in the next.
10 comments:
Carrie,
I feel for you. My family was far from lovey and positive. Get us together and we find something to gripe about. It's hard to learn there is something else out there that is "normal".
Wow, I could have written your post about my own family. I hear other people say how excited they are to see there family and it seems weird to me. I understand why they would feel that way in my head, but I have no experience with feeling that way. Living near them would be the last thing I'd ever want to do. It used to be traumatic to see my family. Now it's mostly annoying and something weird to get through. I think this is as good as it's going to get for me since I will never trust them.
I've actually been spending the past couple of days thinking up a letter to my parents explaining to them why I leave them out of parts of my life. I'm grateful for my in-laws (well, most of them) and my husband and Margaret. I'm also very grateful that I can recognize why I don't feel close to my family at this point in my life- it gives me the chanceto make sure I don't make the same mistakes with my children.
Growing up, I always wanted the "perfect Mormon family". I think a lot of the closeness in our family has come as we have matured. Also, I think a lot of it came as a result of my mom getting sick. When that happened, our family could have gone in two very different directions, and we chose to grow closer. We didn't always get along so well though. Although you and I aren't extremely close, I am closest to you than any other cousin on either side. I hope that we can have that same sort of friendship, and that when we have kids, they will know you and your family as well.
Carrie, I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. I can understand a little bit-my mom has always has a rough relationship with her family. If you are thinking about trying to strengthen relationships with any family members and close up that hole in your heart, remember to start small. Anything you do, no matter how small will make a difference. I'm sure you've made a difference in your brother's life by having him stay with you in your stable and beautiful home. I miss you! Stay strong.
Ah I often feel at this time of year like "One of these people is not like the others of these people just..." You get the idea. At the same time I am so grateful that I get to have happy peaceful holidays now. I am grateful that my extended family has no place in my life. I am also grateful that I'm not alone, that I have my dear little family and wonderful friends, like you. ;)
For starters, ((hugs))
My family is not *that* dysfunctional, but there are certain members of it who are. My grandmother gets left out of a lot--most of her kids have chosen to move to other states rather than see her frequently. Her son (my dad) is better, but I'm still glad I don't live next door, you know?
I think the most important thing we can do is strive to make our families (the ones we're creating--our kids) a better place than what we had. Nobody is perfect, but my goal is to at least be a little better than the generation before.
Well, I don't know what to say. I've tried to be 'friends' with all my siblings. Just like Dejah said, it comes with maturity. Though we don't all hug and say I love you to the other, (though I do but ya know how the boys are hehe) I still know there is love there. I feel blessed to know though that my family is there for me. And I hope you know that we are all here for you. At least I am. All fam's are different. Reading the comments others have left it shows that. I guess it kinda hurts to read this. Everyone has different ways of showing love. Each and every member of our family is unique. I just try to see that.
Yes, I too know how that feels. I have family issues that may never be resolved...but I'm trying to cultivate friendships with them, be forgiving of times in the past, and be loving now. It takes work sometimes. But, I, like you, am glad I can work on being best buds with the family I am creating now. It's a marvelous and amazing thing to say "I love you" to Miles and hear him say "I love you too" in his little two-year-old voice. I hope my little family always stays this open and loving! But, I know that's going to take work on my part throughout the years too.
Hi Carrie-
I am tagging you! Your job is to list in a post 7 interesting things about yourself and then tag 7 others to list things about themselves.
Enjoy!
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