Almost one year to today I wrote a blog post publicly announcing our journey to become foster parents and the outpouring of support that we received with that announcement bolstered our courage as we completed the tasks needed to become certified. After we got our first placement of a 14 year old pregnant teen in May of 2011 we were overwhelmed then by the love and generosity shown to us by our family and Church. It is so strange now to look back at what the last nine months have been for us and how different this journey has been than I ever imagined.
I never imagined that the aforementioned teenager would leave our house in the middle of the night with her four week old son. When we found her room empty the next day one of the first thoughts that came into my mind was "that baby will never have a chance." I never imagined that the teen and her baby would be found a mere three days later and the baby would return to our home. At that time I thought "He must be back for a reason."
Now that little baby is a BIG eight month old joy and he is still in our home. He isn't ours. There is a good chance that he never will be. I wish that I could write that the teen parents decided to let us raise their baby and voluntarily gave up their rights to him, but I can't. I wish I could say a million things that I can't.
Being a foster parent has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Loving a child that probably won't ever be yours is hard. Holding onto the small hope that he possibly could be is even harder. Almost weekly I receive news that breaks my heart and I pray continually for peace and endurance. There came a time a few weeks ago when Andrew and I felt that we couldn't take it anymore. The runaround of being at the beck-and-call of agency workers and the emotional turmoil of investing so much love and energy into a child whose parents just didn't seem to care about him most of the time, wore down our precious stores of patience, faith and hope.
Luckily we prayed and received blessings that confirmed to us that we needed to stick it out with this little one. God has a plan for him, even if we can't see it.
Being a foster parent is hard work. I have seen fellow foster parents totally broken by a system that doesn't work and I have been nearly there at least a dozen times. When people ask us how much longer the baby will be with us I can honestly give no good answer. For a while it was February, then January, then April, and now? Nobody can even say. It changes almost weekly!
"It feels like forever," I said to a friend today at church, but it has only been nine months. If only it could really and truly be forever. Wouldn't that be something?
4 comments:
I say it again--I am so proud to be your friend.
I pray you find peace and rest within this difficult journey, and that God will restore your emotional and spiritual strength. What you are doing is surely no easy task and I give you all the credit in the world for all you've done for that little one thus far.
(hugs)
Wow! I cannot imagine the strength it takes, but your family HAS that strength! You are amazing!
I am so inspired by you. So thankful to read your blog. Love!
Amazing strength and courage. I have had two friends in similar circumstances and have cried with them. I think it would be too much for my heart to bear. You are literally saving a life. Keep up the courage and prayer. You will be better for this no matter how it turns out. And the baby will undoubtedly be better for it too no matter how long or short it lasts.
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