Now that the newness of Gillette has worn off (it really didn't take that long, unfortunately), I am beginning to feel very lonely. Andrew works a lot, which surprises me because I can't remember many of my teachers ever putting as much time and effort into their lesson plans, but I am glad that he cares so much about being a good teacher; Joshua has moved in with us but he is at school during the day which leaves me alone with Ravenna during the day. I love being at home but I still crave adult female interaction. My new ward is nice, but I haven't been able to make any friends yet, due in large part to my lack of a vehicle to drive me to activities during the day. To top it all off, I live in an unfinished apartment complex with no landscaping and the closest neighborhood is two+ miles away with no sidewalks to speak of.
All of these factors have combined to make me feel pretty sorry for myself to be here in Gillette. Despite the fact that I am grateful that Andrew has a job and I know that we are so blessed to be here, I miss my friends and I miss the familiarity and convenience of living in Provo. It is difficult to be in a place where, despite the vast amounts of money made because of the mines, the majority of people refuse to better their situations and instead squander their money on liquor, cigarettes and cheap thrills. You might be thinking, "welcome to the real world, Carrie," but I have honestly never lived in such a "trashy" place even compared to Southern California and po-dunk Virginia.
With all of that said, I am done venting. I was blog-hopping this morning and read a friend's blog all about her moving experience this past year. She moved from a small town to a big city and her attitude is very inspiring. She chooses to "bloom" instead of wither and I guess that is a decision we all have to make. The other night as we were on our balcony enjoying a sunset our upstairs neighbor came out on her balcony and lit-up and started cursing about how much she hated Gillette (I guess she was on her cell phone). At the time I thought, "oh great, another potentially great moment of my life ruined by Gillette, WY," but now I have a different thought about it: I can choose to be like her (sans the smoking and cussing, of course) or, I can try to bloom in the prairie desert that I now live. It isn't going to be easy, but I will try to do better.
10 comments:
I'm sorry Carrie. :( This is exactly how I felt in Oregon, but I didn't have quite the same positive attitude that you have. I admire you for that. If you ever want to call and chat, I'd love to hear from you. :)
As you know, I know just how you feel. And honestly, especially because I've got a quieter personality, it does take a while before even an optimistic person like me feels like I fit in. I know it sounds like forever away, but give yourself a year. It really is surprising at how far a person can come in 12 months. For some things, it takes less time, of course, but by the end of a year you'll feel like a part of your ward and community, you'll have found some kindred spirit friends who live nearby, and you'll be so busy participating in ward and friendly functions that the quiet moments which are lonely right now will come as a relief from the craziness. By the end of next summer, you'll feel like an old pro who's got Gillette under her thumb.
Sorry things are hard.
Maybe you can work something out so you can have car more often? I'm sure that isn't easy with Ravenna, but maybe Joshua could drive Andrew or vice versa sometimes to give you an outlet? (Of course, I have no idea the geographical/schedule situation, and you've probably already considered it... but yeah.)
You might try asking your new VTs for a ride.
Sorry for drifting into "fix it mode" instead of "empathize and commiserate mode"...
I'm often thinking of you and if it makes you feel any better, I read your blog regularly, even if I don't always comment, and I just can't wait for your next eco friendly diapering post!
It really stinks to be the new person! And, I know how lonely it can be. Can you believe I had similar feelings when we moved into Wymount a little over a year ago? I was surrounded by members of the church, and it wasn't trashy, but I felt so alone because I didn't know anyone. (Remember the break-down I had during our Relief Society meeting?) That part of it just takes time...and it seems even more difficult when you have kids. All I know is that it DOES get better! I'm sure before long we're going to see fields and fields of figurative prairie flowers portayed on this blog. I can't wait to hear about them! :)
Carrie! I'm so sorry!
I know Aubrey suggested asking VT's for a ride. If I were you I'd one up that and ask them to come over for the day. I did that last week when I was overwhelmed with the state of my house- I asked them to come over and watch Margaret while I cleaned, but they ended up cleaning while I watched Margaret (and I got to talk about my birth! My new VT is new to the ward and due in Jan! Crunchy missionary moment!)
I wish I could help you out.
Hi Carrie, since Mike and I now have a blog, it will be easier to keep up with each other. I'm sorry you are feeling so lonely out there. I get homesick so easily when I am away, so I understand how you are feeling. I hope you are doing better though, and I wish I had some advice. Unfortunately, I think it will just take some time.
Thanks for everyone's thoughts! I think things will get better when I get visiting teachers and hopefully I will be able to get a car soon. Anyone have a working junker they are willing to part with for cheap?
That's how I felt about Provo until we put the playgroup together. Maybe this is your chance to get some crunchy mommies together!
I'm sorry about the loneliness and hope that all these comments let you know that you are loved!
I can relate to the smoking neighbours and no car! Nick car pools once in a while and if I can get both boys ready and myself, we've had a couple outings (library and Target) to save my sanity!
I don't hate it here in CT. It could grow on me, but MAN we are far from our families!
Carrie, when I left Provo we moved to a little apartment in the bad part of Tucson and it had no sidewalks outside of the complex, I had newborn Miles to take care of, and Joey took the car to work--so I feel like I can relate! You know what really helped me was keeping a personal journal of everything I was feeling, taking very small walks several times a day just around and through the apartment complex, and starting a new hobby (for me it was cooking new and interesting foods). Looking back I realize that this was a small season in my life that just wasn't fun. I hope things get better--maybe there is another nearby nicer, more family friendly community you can eventually move to or maybe there is a better area of Gillette to relocate to eventually...don't give up hope girl, hang in there!!
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