Full Disclosure

Okay, it is time to be honest. When I haven't posted in a long time it usually means I am up to something and I just don't want to tell anyone about it. Last night after book club my B.F.F. Christie and I sat up discussing many things and during that conversation I realized (after I was gently informed) that I have many irrational fears that keep me from being open with people and having hope. Generally I don't have this problem one-on-one but when it comes to making things public I only chose to do so when I feel that I am past the point of no return. With my pregnancy with Ravenna, Andrew and I announced it to our families at 20 weeks and many many people didn't learn until much later. It isn't that I like to hide things for the thrill of having a secret but more because I am afraid that if I share them openly, they won't happen.

Is this true for anyone else?

So, what is this big secret that Andrew and I have been hiding from friends, family and the general populace? Well, for the past few months we have been training to become certified foster parents. Yup, that is it. Nothing huge or horrible but I was so afraid of anyone finding out for fear that it wouldn't work out and then having to tell people that it didn't work out (Ack, heartbreak city!), or that people would automatically put a stigma of "messed up" on any child that came into our home (that still will probably happen), that people would label us as "quitters" for not making more of an effort to have another biological child etc. Oh my goodness that list could go on FOREVER! I can think of a million reasons to not tell people that we were becoming foster parents but after talking to Christie I realized that I needed to just let go...which for me is harder than it sounds.

My friend Jenni often talks about the benefits of "Letting go, and letting God" but I really REALLY want to control my universe and the whole not being able to plan my family thing? I really don't love that. I do have to try to accept that this is the direction that Heavenly Father wants us to go in for whatever reason. Part of that acceptance is a willingness to give up some of my "control" and that is why I am sharing.

Since many people know little to nothing about foster care I am going to use this next bit to answer some of Andrew and Carrie's Foster Parent FAQ:

Q: Which age group will you accept? At the moment we are open to a single child 0-3 or a sibling group 0-5 due to a desire to keep the ages closer to what we are used to and restrictions on rooming.

Q: Are you going to try to adopt the children you foster? The goal with foster care is almost always reunification with biological parents. Occasionally that isn't possible and parental rights are terminated, in which case it is preferable that the children remain with their foster family and be adopted. We are open to that but it is by no means guaranteed.

Q: If you want to adopt why do foster care at all? Adoption is very expensive and can take a very long time (yes, even through LDS Family Services) and we did not feel that a traditional adoption route was what we needed to consider.

Q: What kinds of special needs are you going accept? In the foster care terminology, every child that comes into care is a "special needs" child. We are getting additional certification so that we can foster medically fragile children, however.

Q: When will you get your first placement? We just completed our homestudy and our goal is to be certified in the next two weeks. After that, it all depends on the children that come into care and whether or not the county Child and Youth selects us to be foster parents. Most children coming into care are 6 years and older meaning that the chances that we will get a foster child are somewhat slimmer than foster parents of older children, but this age group is what we were comfortable with and so that is what we ended up doing. In the meantime we will be a respite and emergency foster care placement family.

Q: How much do you get paid? Sufficient for our needs. Nobody gets rich off of doing foster care, or they really shouldn't if the agency is doing their job.

Any other questions? I am sure there are others but the above are the questions that have come up most often amongst the people we have told. So far the majority of our friends and family have been very supportive. There is a lot of ignorance about foster care and foster parents, which is understandable because we certainly knew very little to begin with. I am open to questions and I will do my best to answer them. Andrew and I are very much looking forward to having more children in our home no matter what challenges may come with them.

Crafty DIY in 2011

I was thinking this morning of some things that I want to do make/do in 2011, especially around my house. Since we have lived here for over a year I want to go crazy, or maybe just get stuff done. Here is my "to do" list:

-Reupholster Chairs: I have a set of neat arm chairs that were given to us a year ago. I have one completely ripped apart and ready to go but I have to get over my fear of calling an upholsterer and asking if I can buy some foam. It sounds easy enough but I have a fear of getting phone-chewed out.

-Paint the Stairwells: The base paint that they use on the walls in new home also acts as a magnet for greasy fingerprints. Enough said.

-Make reusable produce bags: I posted about these bags before but I REALLY need to do this! They are awesome!

-Make reusable snack bags: The awesomeness is overwhelming!

-Build this desk for the bedroom nook: We have a distinct lack of furniture in our bedrooms. While I would like to call it minimalism it really is just lack of resources. So, off to the lumber yard! Maybe this can be Andrew's spring break project?

-Maybe if we get really ambitious we can make this headboard?

-Wallpaper the powder room: Does anyone have any suggestions for a place to get nice wallpaper that doesn't look frumpy? I am a huge fan of wallpapering small spaces.

The Handmade Christmas

So much knitting in December! This is Andrew's hat made with 100% virgin wool. It was fun learning how to make cables. While the pattern worked up just fine, I couldn't get the gauge right and made it too big.  All of these knitted patterns are on my Ravelry page (talldarkeyes) if you are interested.

I made six of these knitted monogrammed dish wash cloths and they were a perfect project for learning how to knit. They also made great gifts for the grandma's who still wash their dishes by hand.

This hat was made for my sister Rachelle and was the first had I ever knitted. It was knitted in an alpaca blend and came out very soft. I really like the flower accent. 

 My MAJOR project that didn't get finished until Advent was nearly over was this Advent Calendar. I made this up with no pattern using only materials I had lying around so please excuse the poor planning and design. I must say it was VERY frustrating to try to figure this one out with limited sewing skills/design knowledge. It came out all right in the end and we are looking forward to using it next year.

My favorite element was Mary holding baby Jesus. I really wanted to have her holding him instead of him being in the manger because if I had just given birth I would never want to put that baby down.

All of the stars are pockets that will accommodate a slip of paper that will list a scripture related to the birth of Christ as well as a celebratory activity for that day. It might be baking cookies and giving them to a neighbor or for the 24th singing Stille Nacht. I will get those ready for next year and I am excited for the memories I know that this calendar will help our family make.

2010 Recap

Happy New Year! Looking at my blog posts for 2010 the major focus was definitely our family resolutions. I am pleased to say that we did very well. Keeping our resolutions certainly was an inspired goal for us because it helped us become more self-sufficient and frugal in a year that was anything but easy. As a writer I would love to be positive and uplifting like so many of the blogs that I read but I have a difficult time writing positively when things are hard. Maybe that is why I haven't written much the last half of the year?

Last night on our way home from the in-laws Andrew and I talked about the best things that happened for us in 2010. I mentioned learning to knit, improving my cooking skills, and making some new friends. For Andrew it was becoming a Seminary teacher and putting on a German language camp. For both us of the loss of our baby was definitely the most difficult thing we had to go through in addition to other unfortunate events surrounding that time that I won't go into.

Despite it all we are blessed. In some years I recognize that the trials seem to outweigh the (visible) blessings, and 2010 appears to be one of those years for us. With what little perspective I do possess I can see how our trials shaped us and pushed us in directions that we may not have gone otherwise. For example I doubt I would have taught myself to knit if I hadn't needed an activity to fill my sadness at losing my pregnancy. While knitting doesn't seem like much of anything, it has often brought me peace.

We haven't set our 2011 goals in stone yet but I know that we will continue to honor our goals for 2010 because they are working so well for us. I hope that 2011 brings everyone great peace and happiness and that you will be able to make and keep resolutions that will enrich and bless your lives and the lives of those around you.

ETA: I think Laura expressed my hopes for 2011 in this post. She always has a way of saying things that makes them especially meaningful.

Christmas Abundance

Per our family tradition we opened our gifts on Christmas Eve morning. Despite our small budget I do believe that this year the gifts were the most meaningful. I can remember countless times as a child (even as an adult) where after the gift unwrapping extravaganza, surrounded by wrapping paper and gift chaos, feeling disappointed. It was a difficult feeling to understand because I often would get at least one gift item that I wanted. Thinking back on it now it seemed like coming down from a sugar high of all the excitement and anticipation. Maybe I am growing up, but this year I cared more about seeing the happiness on the faces of those I gave to.

We follow a tradition of only giving four gifts: something you want, something you need, something to share, and something to remind you of Christ. At least one of those items needs to be handmade. With our $15/person budget here is how we did.

Ravenna received a shopping cart and wooden fruit for the want gift (Goodwill), puzzles for the need (Garage sale), and Candyland to share. To remind her of Christ I made a Nativity scene Advent calendar that I will post pictures of later. We were able to stretch the budget in this case because someone kindly gave us a gift card so Ravenna also got a small tea set.

Andrew's gifts seem small but that is because of them never arrived which was his "want" gift (CURSE you USPS!). He received Penzey's grilling spices to share, razors and the knitted hat for the need and the advent calendar was made for him too.

 Andrew's gifts to me were so well thought out and really kind. For the gift to share he got me a spider plant, for my want a used copy of the Encyclopedia of Country Living, steaks for the "need" he he he, and a really cool carved nativity he commissioned from one of his students. We were delighted to see that Andrew bought me steaks and I bought him steak seasoning!

While this isn't the most impressive Christmas gift showing I am so happy with it. I feel so happy that we succeeded at our goal and nobody felt deprived. This season has been so joyful for me as I busily went about imagining and creating gifts for our loved ones. It also has been so nice to not be very concerned about the receiving. I know we won't always need to be in the position to have a small Christmas budget but I have to say, I think I want to do a $15 Christmas again next year!

Handmade Christmas Linky Love!

As promised here is a rather short list of some of my (recent) favorite handmade gift resources. I will happily add more as I find them (or you send them to me). I have others that I am currently making so I don't want to post them lest prying eyes discover their Christmas gifts!

Make your own vanilla extract! I am totally doing this for myself!
Gifts from Nature are always great with kids.
Inspired Ideas, has tons of cute projects and includes all the patterns and directions!
Knitted Monogrammed dishcloths!
14 free patterns at STC Craft.

Just for fun: given that this is the first week of Advent check out Wee Folk Art's Advent celebration.

The $15 Christmas

This year has been a year of many lessons in frugality. While our 2010 family resolution was not intended to be a penny pinching endeavor it has become that and I am very grateful to have had the preparation. In January we never imagined the negative impact that a new teaching contract would have on Andrew's take home pay, nor the sharply rising costs of insurance and food (have you SEEN the price of butter?!) generally.

Like many Americans a single paycheck just isn't cutting it no matter how frugal we try to be. We are blessed to have some savings and I earn a small amount from babysitting which make up for the difference, but savings won't last forever when there is always a deficit. After Christmas I will need to get a part-time job and the necessity frightens me. Going back to work isn't frightening so much as the need to go back to work despite my tireless efforts to reduce our spending. We live very frugally and just within this past year we have let go of a cell phone, new clothes, a car, cable TV, Netflix, eating out, comfortable thermostat settings and taking vacations all in the name of THE BUDGET. The only thing that we haven't cut back on is food but I am not willing to sacrifice the health and happiness of my family and live on beans and rice. Yet...

With these looming financial pressures Christmas appears on the horizon. After figuring out the budget we decided that we would only spend $150 total which is the smallest amount we have ever spent on Christmas in our entire marriage. After the gift giving list was tallied that left only $30 for me and Andrew but we are excited for the challenge and know we can make it work and still have great gifts! How? Nearly all of the gifts we are giving are going to be handmade/secondhand which we have had a lot of practice doing this year! Luckily for Ravenna, I have been collecting her gifts throughout the year at thrift stores and garage sales but her gifts will also not amount to more than $15.

This post is not written to worry anyone (especially our families) about our family, but to honestly state that we understand the financial pressures of a down economy very keenly; we sympathize with the greater struggles that others are going through and we know we are blessed. Despite a small budget we will be able to find ways to still participate in holiday traditions despite. God gave us magnificent brains and a desire to create. If I can harness those two energies I know I can learn how to use them to give joy to others in a frugal, yet still loving, fashion.

Does anyone else have a frugal Christmas plans? Maybe we can share ideas? I already have a growing list of Internet links with great (frugal) gift giving ideas that I am going to post soon. Handmade Christmas gifts take time and planning so getting started ASAP is a necessity!